Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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