Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
