im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just gargled with NyQuil
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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