I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
