yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
