I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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