I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
