FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's rum buckets o'clock
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
