***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
