i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
