All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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