I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
