he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
