She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
