was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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