you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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