...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
