I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
