I hope mine doesn't look like that
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
