i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
