Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You were trust falling into bushes
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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