Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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