I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
