dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
