R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
