also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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