my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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