porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
