You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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