In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize