i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so let's talk penis.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
