She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
