well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
