I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
