Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
