I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
