Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize