need another drink. this is the easiest way
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
