my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
