if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
