So drunk its hurt
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We are two peas in an std pod
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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