i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
