the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
