you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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