you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
