Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Buhtt sex?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
