HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
