I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
