I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
