i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
