You were right. It hurts to walk today.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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