1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
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