I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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