sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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