She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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