And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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