And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
