sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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