discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Can I color on your dick again?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
