he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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