This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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