so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
