So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so let's talk penis.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
